Self Love Shortcuts This Valentines Day
Millennial and Gen Z women have grown up with the concept and understanding of the importance of self love and self care. As I hit mid life officially this year, (FORTY BLOODY FIVE) I realised, that despite my job taking care of over 1000 women each year, making them look great and feel better... I had little notion of what self love and self care meant to me.
Stepping out of a relationship and deciding to focus on feeling great about myself I began to look at what self love actually means and to start practicing what I preach and teach!
I am super aware that the mid-life movement is actually quite daunting. We have a large number of ladies coming to the clinic for "tweakments" much later in life and quite nervous at the prospect of having work done despite feeling that they really want to look and feel their best. And the narrative that steps through the door is one of feeling vain and shallow for even thinking they should be helping themselves turn back, what to some feels like the "devastating hands of time" on our faces and bodies. I remember vividly last year waking up one morning, looking in the mirror and barely recognising the face that stared back at me.
I am of course in a very privileged situation owning a laser and aesthetics clinic, (the odd aesthetic touch goes a long way) but my journey is exactly the same as any other middle aged woman, wanting to look and more importantly feel her best, in what most of us hope will be our most defining and powerful chapter yet!!
But I have started to realise that self love runs deeper than what we look at in the mirror. Self love is a much more complex journey, and for me it has meant facing up to some painful things of the past that I decided to bury and wash over. I started some counselling - and my counsellor is AMAZING. This was step 1. Step 1 on my voyage of self love (and self discovery)
Looking inwardly, I decided to research the most common factors affecting the modern day mid life woman.
Treating yourself with kindness.
I have invested in a really gorgeous bubble bath and am using a beautiful candle my son bought me for Christmas. I have a bath time play list now too. I have committed to having a soak once a week. Taking the practical element out of having a bath... I have to say, I'm super enjoying this. It feels kind and nurturing. (I have also bought new underwear using Klarna (LOVE IT) a book, a bunch of flowers and had my hair done - Voila - dating myself is the best thing I have done in years!
Self acceptance
Lets face it, by 45 i'm pretty much set in my ways, and the person that you I am always going to be. But that doesn't mean you can't teach an old gal new tricks! Having counselling has become life changing in the way that I see myself now. Having spent years in and out of self hatred (yup) self sabotage at times (yup) and low self esteem (hell yup), working on the root of these issues is an eye opener. Becoming aware at what is causing these feelings, is allowing me to deal with them and change how I see and feel about myself. It is giving me the tools to change that narrative and look at all the great things I have to offer. (as opposed to being held back mentally and emotionally with the not so good). Counselling doesn't come cheap .... but GIRL IS IT WORTH IT!
Reframing thoughts
Feeling victim to something is incredibly painful. Whether it be a traumatic or painful experience, the inability to achieve your goals, illness, lack of motivation, lack of funds, lack of love .... (I could go on and on) so reframing how we express these feelings can be very powerful. I like to see myself as a survivor not a victim.
The word survivor means - "to remain alive" and is termed also as "a person who copes with difficulties in their life" (Oxford English Dictionary) I am both of those. and that feels good.
Body positivity
The older we get, the harder this concept is to master for me. What were once "perky" (and rather cheeky) boobs and bottom.... their desire to head south makes me anxious. I have taken to sleeping in a bra as my girls need all the help they can get!! Working on our physical self (WITH KINDNESS) is another great step to self love. The food we eat, what we drink (praise be for dry Jan) and how we exercise all have a positive / negative impact on what we see in the mirror. Accepting that middle aged spread IS A THING is also a game changer ... we all get it!
A survey of men by the University of Texas (reported in TIME magazine) showed that after asking around 100 men to rank the attractiveness of images of various females, researchers found that men strongly preferred women with a back-to-buttock curve!!! Woohooo - CURVES ARE BACK.... Even Adidas and Gap are now using plus size models to promote their sportswear. Love what you see... and set realistic goals to change what you don't.
Choose your words carefully
How we talk about ourselves has a deep and profound impact, not just on our psyche, but on a cellular level too. Negative speech resonates with us much more deeply than positive talk. "I'm too fat / I'm a failure / I'm single" v "I'm working on myself" - see the difference. It's how we frame it .... Internal dialogue speaks volumes but we have the power to re-write the story. Pen and ink at the ready?
1 + 1 = 2
To all the single ladies, all the single ladies - put your hands up!... There's nothing quite like the love of from inner circle. Reach out, make plans and get connected. These long dark nights have taken their toll on me... The prospect of spring on its way has definitely spurred me into action and getting things booked in the diary with my friends. As much as I can get anxious about making plans and sticking to them, I always feel better when I see my besties.
I hope you have enjoyed reading these tips as much as I have enjoyed writing this.
AND WITH LOVE ALWAYS - THE NU-U TEAM XX
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